Once Upon An Unexpected Dream

It's been awhile since I've blogged. A long while. I'm not sure if it was a lack of motivation or a lack of FIOS at home. But now I've got both! So look forward to more of my nutty rants.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours." Mark 11:24

I've read this verse so many times. Over and over again I'd read it and I'd remember God's promise — the promise that He will provide. It's been a crazy few years. Maybe five. Okay, seriously, the majority of my 20-somethings have been utter crap. Literally.

I had goals, people! And serious ones. By the time my 30th birthday rolled around, I had three goals: 1. Publish my novel and watch it climb the bestseller list, 2. Earn my first $1 million, 3. And fight Gina Carano ... and win. 

You don't know who she is? Gees. Why are we friends? This is her.

You may also recognize her as "Crush" from the revived American Gladiators. She's gorgeous isn't she? Man, I really wanted to mess up her pretty face. Preferably without damaging my "just okay" face.

So those were my goals. I was well on my way, too. I was training to fight, writing, and well, not earning very much money. But my book wasn't done and that was the gateway to my millions.

I could name a ton of reasons why none of the above has happened. I could say it was because I had to work more than one job or because the fight team I was on disbanded or because I had no computer. Blah. Blah. Blah. Point is, my goals were not reached.

Like I said, most of my 20-something years were crap.

Until recently ...

I remember the nights I'd spend praying for a man. A real man. Not like the fake ones I had been dating. The cheater, liars, and users. Nope, not them. I wanted my prince charming. Those stupid Disney movies I had watched as a child really ruined things for me. Your life was not complete unless you had a man. And not just ANY man — a prince.

When my niece was younger, she had told my brother-in-law that she was going to marry Aladdin. "No, Honey," he said with a straight face, "You can't marry him. Aladdin's a terrorist." My niece was five. She had no idea what he was talking about and ran off to play. But he was right — and it has NOTHING to do with race so don't even go there. Nope. It's because men are lame. They come into your life, terrorize you by making you fall for them and then they are caught with (fill in the blank with a person's name) doing (fill in the blank with something they aren't supposed to be doing) while you are working four jobs to pay for their (fill in the blank with the useless hobby they've taken up).

Seriously? What a peach of a prince. The fact is, they simply do. not. exist.

Well, at least not the way those movies depicted. No, my prince turned out to be much more unorthadox. He leaves toilet paper off of the roll. He smells funny. Often. He says inapproprite things at even more inapproprite times. He makes my eyes roll until I'm dizzy.

He also works 80-plus-hour weeks to provide for his family. Once a month, he spends his only day off that week driving me to LA where he sits all day watching me play volleyball. He supports me in every dream I have and does whatever it takes to help me accomplish them.

He is truly my Prince Charming. A fuzzy one who hates shaving, but nonetheless, a prince for ME.

And I had prayed for him. And God had delivered. Then we prayed for a baby. It wasn't easy, but God delivered. My precious son is the most demanding, slobbering, awesome kid.

Does it even get cuter than that? Because I really don't think so.

I will be entering my 30s in approximately two months, one week, four days ... but who's counting?

I prayed for God to help me train, to help me write, to send me my $1 million payday. And I read that stinking verse over and over and over.

"Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours."

It wasn't mine. None of those things were mine! So, do I still believe in that verse? Does the fact that I have NONE of what I really wanted mean God has not delivered on his promises?

Nah.

You see, I was praying for the wrong things. God knew it. Funny thing about that guy. He knows ALL. He sees our big picture.

Look, let's be honest. I'm not that great of a writer. And what I lack in writing skills, I make up for with an underwhelming amount of motivation to write. And I'm not that great of a fighter. Did I win some fights? Sure. But I probably would've had Gina dropkick me in the head and get knocked out in five seconds on television. And, really, who would want that hanging over their head for life? And I don't need a $1 million-paycheck. (But if you're willing to write me one, I take that last one back.)

Truth is, at almost 30 years old, I'm finally starting to live the life I never knew I always wanted. I'm losing sleep each night my hubby is home, when he snores loud enough to bring down the Great Wall of China, I'm losing more sleep when my son cries for me, I'm losing even more sleep when I try to think about how on earth I'm going to pay this or that.

But I'm losing sleep next to a man who loves me with everything he has. I'm losing more sleep to hang out with, seriously, the coolest kid that was ever created, and I'm losing even more sleep in a bed ... in a house ... that somehow has managed to remain mine, despite having too much month at the end of the money.

This is my life. And I love it.

Things change. Dreams change. We change. Our passions change. And when we're least expecting it, our life becomes a hot mess of wonderful moments that you never planned for but would never trade.

My faith in that verse hasn't changed. My faith, actually, has grown. I watch in awe as God directs my paths in motherhood, in starting a new photography business (that road is full of miracles, but that is for another blog), and in abandoning all of my fears and worries and allowing Him to work on me and through me.

The more I pray, the more my will aligns with God's will for me. And therein lies the answered prayers.

It's been a wild ride. And I'm looking forward to even more unexpected twists and turns. Thank you, Lord, for this life and help me to make the one you've given me the best I can for YOU.

Night, all.